It's time for a rant!

I think I hate college.

There, I said it. Its been a while since I last blogged, I know. I blame that on the fact that I've felt really directionless lately. Everything I tried to write felt pointless and asinine. But here I am. I'm accepting the fact that my college experience right now is not what I ever wanted for myself. I lack self confidence, I lack motivation, and I lack energy. Where did my passions go? Then again, where did my passions ever lie? I'm being dragged down by the weight of all the things I dislike about my current situation: The weather sucks... and is driving me to stay in my room 24/7... which is making me hate living in a one room apartment with a roommate and a disgusting bathroom and neighbors that decided to take up the flute and practice at obscene hours. I've applied to ten jobs and haven't heard back from a single one. My classes are, for the most part, uninspiring and making me reevaluate my entire line of study, which is scary and awful feeling. I hate that I'm spending so much money to be at this school when I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Even my hair is reflecting my mood: flat, stringy, and lifeless. I miss my friends and family that are energetic and full of love. I miss the outdoors and animals and healthy, good tasting food. I am constantly annoyed with the narcissistic, whiney, materialistic, self-righteous, megalomaniac hipsters that seem to make up the entire NYU population. Where is individuality? Where is truth and good will and pure, unadulterated happiness?

Honestly, I feel like I'm 45 years old and having a midlife crisis. I'm reevaluating everything I thought I wanted for myself. I spent the past two hours reading the Peace Corps website, because I'm starting to think that the 26 month program to drop me into an impoverished country might be a legitimate option for me once I graduate this obscenely expensive college I decided to attend. I really think my life is pathetic. I spend all my time daydreaming and hoping for something better to present itself to me, while in the meantime I'm doing my homework and making coffee and sometimes playing my keyboard. I'm sick of moping around and feeling like a child. I want to be a person my parents and friends can be proud of, a person I can be proud of. So I'm going to make a pact with myself. Starting today I'm going to make a list of what I'm going to do this semester to improve my situation. I am going to love and live and be happy and passionate and driven again. I may not have a long term plan yet, except for the fact that I am going to LIVE every day of my life the way I want it to be lived. I came to New York for a reason, and now I just have to rediscover what that reason is. This is going to be exciting. This is going to be good.

You'll be seeing more from me. That's a promise I'm going to keep.